Changes
by hot2trot, edited by MasterCowboy

Author's Note: This is a work of fiction involving two consensual adults. The Author reserves all copyright privileges and would ask that permission be obtained before posting this to your site and/or passing it around. For any questions, comments or what have you, please Email me at dazmom@hotmail.com. Copyright 2001

'i still can't believe. He did it. He said He could, and would. And it's not that I didn't believe Him, just… Well, i knew He could, but… yea, i know, it doesn't make sense to me either.'

Oh, i'm sorry. Let me introduce myself. i'm Elizabeth and welcome to my mind, or more precisely, my thoughts. You caught me in the middle of shock. Shock from my most recent experience, last night. i will never be the same again after last night. Last nights events to be more specific. Things began twenty-two months ago. Our relationship began in an unconventional manner, but yet becoming more common even if it still is not the accepted norm. We met on the Internet. More precisely a chat room. Opps, did i say that?!?! Yep, i sure did. Not just Any chat room though, this one was named Erotic Punishment. i can see the wheels spinning in your mind now, the images conjured up by those two words. Let me clarify for you that everything and anything is acceptable in this room. Everything that is except for acting like an ass. But then, i don't know any room that tolerates that type of behavior.

All right, i need to back up to the beginning. No, i'm not going that far back to my birth. Sorry about that little giggle, but i just could resist passing up the chance.

And in the beginning. Did i say that? Sorry, but in a way it is. It was the beginning of the new millennium, if you consider that time to be January 1, 2000. i was bored. i had discovered a story site, and low and behold a chat room existed also. What the hell, i thought at the time and in i went. It didn't take long for someone to hit on me. With a nick like hot2trot, people sat up and took notice, especially men. The first time i cybered, it was an interesting experience, but didn't really do anything for me. i just wanted this guy to get on with it, be done. i wasn't ready for the kinkyness that the gentleman did to me.

The second time though, that was a whole other story. Although it was nothing but straight sex, it was the approach that this Cowboy used with me. He spent time talking to me, getting to know me before making His move. i reacted to His every touch and caress, His kisses, all His desires as they took me higher and higher. WOW!!! That is the only way i could describe that experience. He had me hooked. Several weeks passed before i happened to be able to catch His attention again. Since there were very few people in the room, i publicly asked Him if He wanted to wash my back, as i was getting ready to take a shower. i was surprised a little at His response. He would gladly wash not only that, but more. Yes, i had definitely gotten His attention, at least in my eyes.

Our relationship, if you could call it that (for most people who don't know the net or can understand the relationships that develop would refer to what we had as a relationship), developed slowly, like young innocent love. That's exactly what happened too. We fell in Love with each other, without even knowing what was happening. Many things happened like that for us. We would be talking and boom, it would hit like the force of a wrecking ball (alright, poor analogy, that would hurt too much), something that our subconscious had known, but we didn't until that exact moment accept the fact. Admitting to the other that we did indeed Love each other, that I couldn't imagine Him not in my life, finding out that I did indeed liked pain and it was a very serious turn on for me. i guess i should be proper and say that Cowboy, well, His name is Kyle. He is the most wonderful, caring, considerate, insightful person that you could ever meet. Ok, so maybe i'm a bit biased.

i'm sorry, i keep running down a different path. There i go, apologizing again. i won't do that again. After all, these are my thoughts and you are inside my mind. And more importantly, i'm freely sharing them with you. So, you can put up with a tangent or two, or leave. It's your choice.

Let me explain to some that might not understand what an Internet relationship involves. It is a more serious commitment not only of time, but also of concentration than you might think. The respect level involved is high. Truth is not just an option. You must not only be truthful to the other person, but also to yourself. That's not an easy thing to do especially when you can't hear or see the other person. And time, well, what I'm talking about is being faithfully there to talk and share, not only thoughts, but also feelings and emotions. And if for some reason the other person doesn't show up when you expect them to, if at all, you must be understanding. Remember after all, not only machines with programs are involved, but some form of telecommunication device. Anything from a telephone line to a cable. Anything can happen to cause a breakdown in the system and invariable, it will. Speaking of breakdowns, those aren't the only challenges that people must face in this circumstance. This type of relationship is harder than most any other form of long distance.

After a fashion, words aren't enough. That's when you need, want to hear their voice. That's a start, but then, inevitably, if you are fortunate enough, you will meet in person. That is not only difficult, but sometimes down-right impossible. You don't know this person other than from what they have told you or sent you in pictures. You are scared that they will be disappointed in the real you. But if you have been honest with each other, than that shouldn't be factor.

For us, we lived 2300 miles away from each other. He lived on the East coast and i was close to the West coast. Fate gave up the opportunity when He was able to be located only sixteen hours away from me. Yes, i know that may seem a long distance to some, but considering how long we had been looking forward to this opportunity, it was nothing. And when you take in consideration our feelings for each other, it wasn't an option after all. That meeting was more wonderful and fantastic than either of us could have every imagined. No, we didn't have sex. Sorry to ruin that image for you, but it's true. We mostly talked, a lot, about each other, what we'd discussed before, anything and everything. Time passed too quickly and before i knew it He was leaving me, albeit reluctantly.

A year passed and my life was changing in many ways including moving to a new state. Fortunately for both of us, it closed the gap to 1600 miles. Ok, not a lot, but better than it had been before. He was waiting for me when I arrived at my new home. In a week's time He helped me set up 90% of the house. He was so concerned about making sure that He could do as much as possible before leaving to go back to His home so that He could finalize His plans for His move.

Yes, He was moving out to join me. Not many men would give up all that they have known for so long, give up the security and their friends, all to take a chance on Love. Well, actually it wasn't so much a chance, as more the risk of finding out that if what we had online could be transferred to real life.

Don't misunderstand me. In my mind i see what we had online as real, but it's not the same. You can turn off the computer and walk away. You don't have to live with that person day in and day out, seeing all their idiosyncrasies. Learning to adjust to their way of doing things, as they adjust to yours. Ok, so this may sound familiar to you. Sounds like what happens when two people start dating, right? Well, it is, sorta. The difference is that in this type of relationship, the type that Kyle and i have, the feelings and bonds have already developed. i was saddened by the beginning of the end of one stage of our relationship, and yet excited at the commencement of the portion that would be the start of the rest of our lives together.

Our relationship is also different in another way. He is a Dom and i am a sub. Alright i said it. Don't understand it? Oh well, i'm not going to explain it to you, but there are many resources out there that can and more adequately than i probably can.

We had developed our relationship online and when we decided to go for it real time, we also decided to continue on with what we had been doing. There was a major difference though. We would be doing things in what is called 24/7. That means that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, i will be subservient to Him and His desires, putting my wants and needs secondary. Hush! Wait, i'm not done. i know. i know. This is a free society, but listen to me for a moment. i am doing this willing because this is what i want. i want to give Him the control to handle all aspects of my life, from what i wear and eat to what i buy and even when i can cum.

Well, time has passed and He has been living with me for almost two months. i had grown even faster under His tutelage than i had online. The changes in my attitude and behavior from 22 months ago, well, most people might not recognize me, and then if they did and found out about my life and relationship with Master, would be shocked and possibly horrified.

You have to understand that I have this brat. she comes out at the most inconvenient times. she will push Him even though she knows the consequences of her actions could be punishment. She and i both had been pushing hard from almost the moment that He got here. Well, yesterday, she came out again. It was more than that though. i am, or was, a very strong person, very independent, strong willed and opinionated. i don't give in easily to most anything, especially when it comes to admitting what i truly feel or that i want something. Well, that defiant side came out. Not only in my actions, but also in my attire. I'm not the type to usually wear t-shirts. Well, i wore not only a t-shirt, but what i call my attitude shirt. It is a black t-shirt with an F-14 Tomcat firing two missiles. The missiles are leaving the rails right on the middle of my breasts.

i pushed a little all day, but it was that morning that was the worst. She had started in; i pulled her back, but continued. Then when He continued to play with my clit furiously, but denied me permission to orgasm, and i couldn't hold it off. Well, that earned me two whacks of the paddle. If i hadn't told Him that I had cum my consequences could have been worse. i began to protest, and before i knew it i was up to seven. i finally wised up and shut up.

i began to wonder as the day progressed if He would truly keep His word from earlier in the kitchen when He said that He would enforce my punishment that night. Maybe He'd forget. Maybe, like before, He'd stop if i asked Him to. The problem was, when He stopped at my request, i felt cheated. i wanted Him to be in control, to make the decision. i trust Him fully to watch over me and know that He will do nothing to cause me permanent injury or harm, or for that matter, embarrass me. Thrust and parry, all day long. What can i say, when i get in a mood, i just get worse, and refuse to quit. It's that danged stubborn streak in me.

That night after the house had quieted down, we sat on the couch talking, enjoying a movie together. 'Ok, so He's not going to do anything,' i thought. i push again, just a little and that's when He says it. "Don't think that you're getting out of anything. I turned the heater on in the garage." All that ran through my mind at the sound of those words was 'Oh, shit!!! He's really going to do this. Nothing i say or do is going to stop this.'

i resigned myself to my fate and went into the bedroom to prepare myself, changing into a purple bra and matching thong. Then, just for good measure, and added protection (yea, right, like a thin piece of material or anything for that matter would protect me from Him), i put my robe on and did up all the buttons. (More for Him to have to undo to get to me, serves Him right.) i put my nighttime collar on. Sorry, i forgot to mention that originally He had given me a training collar shortly upon His arrival the second time. When He felt that i had earned it, i moved up to my nighttime collar. i have yet to receive my permanent collar. That very special event, as sacred as a wedding, will hopefully occur around Christmas time.

After getting dressed, i had gone into the kitchen for a drink. He came up behind me, held me tight against Him and slowly began to undo each and every button. i leaned back against Him, needing to feel His Love for me in preparation of what was going to be happening soon. He pulled away, but told me stand there. i knew better than to move. When He came back, He had his bag in one hand. With the other He took hold of my collar and led me to the garage. i had seen Him making preparations for the use of the garage for our personal space. i had seen Him place the hook in the rafter, seen the rope threaded up and back down, then tied off, ready for easy access as needed.

i resisted Him slightly, but succumbed to His command and followed Him into the garage. He closed the door behind us. i was alone with Him in a torture chamber (at least that is what it would be tonight.) He removed my robe, looking me over. i could feel His eyes over every part of my body even though my eyes remained downcast. i remained still as i heard Him behind me. He unlocked His bag and began removing things from it. i heard what i thought was my training collar. No, not that. There were too many rings, too many places to run rope or attach other things to the area of my neck.

He came over in front of me, commanding me to present my wrists. He placed a leather cuff on each wrist, locking each one on in turn. He then reached over and hooked them together using the hook attached to the rope running from the rafter in the attic. Pulling it more and more, then even harder when i resisted Him until He tied it off to the leg of a workbench. With my arms suspended above me, He walked behind me and told me to spread my legs. i hesitated but only a moment, before complying. He placed the matching set of ankle cuffs on; i dreaded the next command. He told me to spread my legs even wider. He was going to attach a spreader bar to the cuffs, denying me the ability to close my legs together. He did just that, without remorse.

i thought i knew what was coming next. i had seven whacks from a handmade wooden paddle with my name (pet) carved into it. He had spent many hours lovingly making this to use on me. i had previously felt its sting though denim, now i was going to feel it on bare skin. i could only hope that He would not apply it as hard as He had when i had had some minor protection. But no, it was not the paddle that I felt first. He pulled out His cat-o-nine tails and began flogging my backside and back. The cat i could handle; the cat i liked. When he started flicking it up between my legs, i didn't respond. i had protection. The thong covered my sensitive clit and lips. Then He pulled them down, so much for protection. He told me to bring my legs together, then slipped them off and reattached the bar to my cuffs.

He came back around in front of me with clothespins in His hands. Slipping each breast out of the demi-bra, He began by attaching one to each nipple as i cringed in pain, then around each breast in a circular pattern. He ran His hand over them, causing them to move. Each movement caused it's own sensation. He then reached down between my legs and with begging eyes i pleaded for Him not to put any on my now exposed lips. He must have seen this for they were put on my inner thighs instead. He could see the burning defiance in my eyes still. If not for that defiance, i don't believe He would have taken His next action.

He removed my nighttime collar and placed a different collar around my neck, locking it in place. He then came back with a ball gag. i hesitated for but a moment after His command to open my mouth before complying. After the ball was placed in my mouth He threaded the straps through the loops located on either side of the collar and secured it. All i can say about that gag is ick, yuck…don't like the taste of it. But on it stayed and there was nothing that i could do to remove it or anything else for that matter.

He came back in front of me and proceeded to remove each clothespin. When He got to the one on each nipple, the instant that He removed it, He squeezed it tight, massaging it until the pain subsided as I moaned and hoped that i would be able to handle whatever might follow. He instructed me to turn around. i was now facing the workbench on which His bag sat. He again began to apply the cat to my backside but this time the ends wrapped around stinging my exposed breasts. i tried to move to avoid the blows on my extremely sensitive nipples but to no avail. A few times the ends would brush against my cheeks. He must have realized this from the way my head jerked to and fro, for He stopped soon after.

He then removed His wide tipped crop from His back pocket. My butt tightened with each whack against my bare skin, then he moved around in front, working on not only my thighs, but also more intensely between my legs. With each contact, all i did was moan in agony. He asked me if i wanted Him to stop and i said no. He continued. He reminded me that i still had to be punished for my previous acts. i pleaded in moans for Him not to, but to be lenient. My pleas were ignored and the paddle was the next thing He applied to my already sore bottom. i attempted to twist out of His way, but was unsuccessful. Each contact was applied exactly where He wanted, moving from one cheek to the other. He stopped at six and asked me if i wanted Him to continue. i didn't answer Him and He put the paddle down. i thanked God silently for my reprieve.

So much for a reprieve though. He started in with the crop again. This time though, when He started in, it was harder than before, all over my body, including my tender nipples. If i had thought that anything before had been harsh, i was wrong. He came in front of me and applied the crop over and over again between my legs. Tears were flowing from my eyes. i had had enough. i wanted Him to stop. i begged Him to stop. He asked me if i wanted Him to stop. A muffled yes was screamed from behind the gag. When He ignored my cries and walked around behind me, fear rose up higher inside me. He continued to wield the crop, this time between my shoulder blades. My body arched away in agony and pain in reaction to each contact between leather and skin. After more strokes than i could count, He stopped. Tears were ready to flow down my checks as i sobbed uncontrollably. He removed the gag and asked me if He had achieved what He said He would that morning. i continued to cry, unable to form any coherent thought. Yes, yes, He had broke me. i felt nothing. There was nothing inside me but a void.

He released me from the spreader bar, lowered my arms down and removed the collar. All the leather cuffs stayed in place though, as a reminder. Assuming my position in front of Him as He sat in a chair, i confessed my total surrender to Him. i told Him, in words that came from deep in my soul, everything that i gave to Him i give freely, told Him of everything that He meant to me, and most importantly reaffirmed my Love to Him. He in turn spoke to me of His commitment to always protect and Love me, doing everything in my best interest to the best of His abilities. Sealing our commitments to each other with a long, hard passionate kiss, He then told me to go get ready for bed.

i noted that He did not tell me to get into bed, so i made my preparations, and then waited patiently in a kneeling position beside the bed. When He did come in and told me to get into bed, He held me in His arms all night. He had put my nighttime collar on and locked it in place. i woke up in His embrace, feeling even more lost and empty than i had the night before. The fear was still there, but in a different capacity. I wasn't sure of what i was allowed and not allowed to do, so i just lay there.

So, now i come back to where i started. i had been lying in Master's arms, watching Him sleep, as these thoughts fly through my head, composing this literary piece. When He did wake, i snuggled up against Him until He had me turn over. He could tell i was troubled. He could also tell that i had changed. He had known that last night. He coaxed my thoughts out of me. When i had trouble expressing them, He decided to have me put them down in a way that is more comfortable for me at times, writing. Even though i was able to express my feelings adequately, telling Him about the void inside me and that i needed Him, and the reassurance of His Love for me to fill that void. He not only assured me of His Love and desire for me, but also made Love to me. i had never felt the overall feeling that i did at that moment. It is not something that i can or will attempt describe, but merely will state that it is something that one must experience for themself.

Have i done the events between us justice in this piece? i don't know, but i do know that I have written from my heart, not only for the one i Love, but also to possibly understand a little bit more about myself.